


Primary Function

by ATouchOfCommonSense



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Angst, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Like... loads of it..., Logan Narrator, M/M, Robots, The sides are the robots you guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-25 13:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18262223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATouchOfCommonSense/pseuds/ATouchOfCommonSense
Summary: Thomas is one of the last people on Earth. A deadly plague had wiped out almost all of the human race and only the smartest and most equipped are still alive. The last remaining, numbering only in the thousands, were spread out throughout the continents and had no way of knowing they were not the last human left. Some went crazy, others became depressed. But Thomas was smart. He had something those people did not. Thomas had Robots.





	1. Life Underwater

Logan has existed for many months as an assistant for Thomas Sanders. In this time, Thomas had become self sufficient and a fully functioning human adult, despite the lack of human contact. This was because of Logan and his Primary Function.

Logan has learned many, many things in his short existence. He learned to speak 24 languages in multiple accents; he figured out how to solve math problems as fast, if not faster, than the average graphing calculator;he reasoned a way to estimate the weather with 93.5% accuracy; and he gained an entire world of knowledge at his fingertips, or should he say at his memory chip, known as the World Wide Web. Unfortunately, most of the web was nonsense, but some proved to be very useful. Everything he learned was to support his Primary Function.

Logan is a knowledge-collecting robot, to put his existence simply. His Primary Function is to gain knowledge about the world and use that knowledge to assist Thomas in living a safe and comfortable life. He only had one rule he knew he must follow in addition to helping Thomas. He must not harm another human being or animal in his efforts to assist. This seemed to be a very important rule as it was written into his code in a variety of places to ensure their was no loophole to the rule. Not that he want looking for loopholes. It was just a fact he observed, just like everything else he learned.

Thomas talked with Logan for hours. Most of what he said was useless or untrue, but Logan stored all the information that he was given by Thomas anyway. Being human meant Thomas had many flaws and often had a distorted perception of reality, but Thomas was not any ordinary human. He was the reason for Logan existence and the one he had to protect.

So when Thomas told Logan he was “the most intelligent AI to ever be created on the face of this earth” with a gaze filled with awe and pride, Logan put the information in his folder of Thomas’ thoughts. He did not tell Thomas his statement was most likely false, he simply said “Thank you, Thomas,” for that was what he was programmed to do.  
-  
When Thomas told Logan he was planning on creating another robot, Logan was one human emotion short of surprised. 

Thomas brought it up on a rather chilly (59 degrees Fahrenheit specifically) morning over breakfast. Despite the cool air; Thomas insisted on sitting outside on his porch, like most spring mornings.They had been sitting for a while, Thomas was eating quietly while Logan scanned his eyes over the horizon, seeing every bit of information possible but nothing of importance. It was a rather normal day.

After he had finished about half of his quiche, Thomas cleared his throat quietly (it seemed everything he did was quiet these days) and spoke. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Logan raised a humanoid eyebrow to imply he was listening, but knew the conversation was straying out of the ordinary. “Yes, Thomas?” he responded.  
He had done nothing wrong, surely. Thomas was still as safe and comfortable as ever. There was nothing else he required.

“I was just thinking,” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “I was wondering if it would be a good idea to…” 

Logan patiently waited for Thomas to gather his thoughts. “I might be making another robot,” he blurted. Thomas then grimaced and swallowed as if he regretted the outburst and he wished to gulp the words back down.

Logan did not respond for a few seconds, trying to formulate the correct response. What did his creator want him to say?

Thomas took the silence as an invitation for an explanation. “It’s like this. You are amazing and I’m so lucky to have you-”

Luck, Logan thought, had nothing to do with it. You built me, my performance reflects your ability to code and build.

“But sometimes, um, on occasion I feel a little, oh what am I trying to say?” Thomas looked towards Logan as if he may have the answers. He did not.

Despite his lack of information on whatever Thomas was trying to say, Logan had much experience with Thomas and his occasional inarticulate ways. “You said ‘I feel…’. A word you may be looking for is angry, confused, sad, or jealous.”

Thomas laughed, but Logan failed to see the humor in his response. He had listed a range of vague negative human emotions which could be used as motivation. “No, none of those. I feel… Let’s see, I guess I feel lonely.”

Lonely? One of Logan’s purposes was to keep Thomas comfortable. What could cause loneliness? A lack of people in one’s life.  
I became clear to Logan that he had not acted enough like a human to prevent Thomas’ loneliness. That was due to his programming, surely. “How is another robot going to cure your loneliness?” Logan inquired, not understanding how another one of him was going to help the situation.

His question went ignored. “It’s not your fault, Logan. I just didn’t program you to be very, well, comforting,” Thomas said softly. It was just like Thomas to thrust human emotions on Logan. He was not worried about failure; he knew he had done everything in his power within his program perfectly. However, if Thomas would have informed him about this “loneliness” he could have done more to prevent it from growing to such a state...

“The question still stands. How is another robot going to assist you with your emotional health? It will feel no more than I do, you understand.”

Thomas rubbed his neck. “Actually, I think I figured out a way to make robots mimic human emotion, I think.” Then his eyes widened, apparently coming to the false realization that Logan would be offended by this piece of information. “But I wouldn’t change you at all, of course! You are perfect for what I programmed you to do. I just need a gentler touch once in a while.”

Right. “A gentler touch.” If Thomas thought this new robot was what he needed to be happy, so be it. Logan had no feelings towards the situation at hand. He had no feelings, period. “What would be its Primary Function?” 

“You know, keeping me company and stuff. I’ll let you look over the code if you want,” Thomas seemed uncomfortable for some reason.  
“Do not feel obligated to show me, though I suggest you give it a more specific goal; a vague goal could lead to chaos or other disaster. I suggest having it maintain your mental and emotional health. While it is not a quantitative goal, if it can understand emotions better than I, it may be a good enough focus.”

“Okay, I could probably figure that out… but hey. Don’t call Patton an it. Call him he, same as you.”  
“Of course,” Logan responded. As incorrect as it was for Logan to refer to himself as ‘he’, Thomas insisted he do so quite some time ago. It was no surprise he was being requested to call Patton— as Thomas dubbed him— a he as well. No doubt he would have a distinct male voice as well. Logan deduced a while ago that Thomas felt more comfortable around males.

-

For the next few days, Thomas completely emerged himself in his work. He apparently had most of the code done before their little talk— which lead Logan to believe he used Logan’s code as a framework. It was smart to start with an already near-perfect code and tweak it to one’s liking rather than starting from scratch. It was Logan’s understanding that his code took the better part of 5 years, even with Thomas’ expertise. 

Logan’s mind did not “wander” being a robot, but he often found himself thinking of Thomas and his new creation. It made perfect sense to think about such things, or so he rationalized. Patton was an unknown in the equation of Thomas’ life. Would he prove himself an asset or a hindrance?  
Either way. It was Thomas’ wish to have Patton, and that was the way it would be.

-

After Thomas finished off Patton’s code, he began on the body.

“Don’t go in the basement, k?” Thomas asked the afternoon after expressing his success in coding.

To better address Thomas, Logan stood up from his current task, gardening. It was one of the many ways he helped Thomas in his self sufficiency. One could argue that it was not quite “self” sufficiency if someone helped him achieve it, but that argument was purely a game of semantics. “Is something in the basement I should be concerned about?”

“No, no. I just started building Patton and I want it to be a surprise, that cool?”

“Thomas, as long as there is not something that has the potential to endanger you down their—past the inherent risk of life on a day to bay basis— I have no preference whether I occupy the basement or not.”

Thomas grinned, “Thanks! Your the best.”


	2. We Fight, We Break Up; We Hiss, We Make Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way longer than the last chapter because I can’t ever find a good place to stop. Lol ;D

Thomas hardly ever left that dark little room after Logan made his promise. From the day Logan agreed to stay out of the basement, Thomas his there for hours. On top of neglecting to participate in his numerous hobbies to satisfy his curious needs, Thomas was “forgetting” to eat and sleep in favor of his new robot as well.

“Proper eating and sleeping habits lead to an overall more satisfying and healthy life, Thomas,” Logan would say every time his creator had gone an unusually long time without eating.

“I ate, like what, an hour ago?” Thomas would respond more often than not.

Logan would then sigh and say, “No, Thomas. It has been approximately five hours, forty two minutes, and fifty seconds since you last ate.”

“Oh,” he replies.

Then Logan takes the opportunity to insist that Thomas eat something. He rarely protests after that, but Logan decided that Thomas must have wanted to be extra difficult for Logan today.

“I’m super close to finishing this foot! I just need to put the toes on. It will be like two seconds.”

“Thomas…”

“Yeah?”

“It has been two seconds. You are not done with your task.” Logan was getting sick of this blatant disregard for Thomas’ own health. “I insist you come out and eat something.”

Thomas sounded clearly uninterested when he responded with, “You insist, do you?” Logan ignored the sarcasm.

“Yes. I also would suggest you rest for an hour or two to reset your mind and catch up on sleep you have been neglecting. If you were not so attracted to the outcome of this project and its effect on your emotional state, I would come to the conclusion that Patton was becoming a harm to your health.”

That little jab jolted Thomas out of his preoccupied manor. “Hey! That’s not true! Patton is going to be the most wonderful thing to happen to me. The quicker I get him fixed up, the faster I get a real friend. I need a friend, Logan.” Thomas sounded frantic and desperate. The person feeding a code through an animatronic, humanoid figure in hopes of gaining a ‘friend’ was not the man Logan had grown to know. Maybe Thomas really did need someone to stabilize his mental health.

“Maybe so,” Logan admitted. “But you are severely mistaken if you believe Patton will be the one to provide that for you.” Logan usually kept his mouth shut when his creator stated false facts. It was easier for him and Logan both. Something about the way Thomas was speaking, though, made Logan think that staying quiet now was not the way to go about dealing with the situation. It was as if something truly terrible was going to happen if he did not tell Thomas of his misconception.

Clearly there was something wrong with his programming— a bug or something of the like. Logan did not ‘act on a whim’. Yet here he was, about to lecture Thomas about one of the many lies he tells himself.

“Patton, while he may mimic human emotions and care for you on a mental level, will not be the human you crave. He will be just and cold and full of whires as me. You are not making a friend. You are making a robot.”

Once he had uttered those few sentences, Logan knew there was something very wrong with his programming for he recognized a bloom of discomfort settling deep within his chest. It was almost like one of the ‘feelings’ Thomas described to him before. It was a pressing pang that Logan had no other word for than pain. A silly comparison, surely.

After Logan all but destroyed Thomas’ fantasy of building a friend, Thomas did not speak to Logan again for a very long time. The pain did not go away.

-

After their disagreement, it became much harder for Logan to keep Thomas’ circadian rhythm in check. He has ignored Logan at all hours of the day now and did nothing Logan asked of him. 

Logan first tried to convince Thomas to sleep through logic, for that was the language he was most fluent in.

Through the door, Logan began yet another one-sided conversation. “Thomas, you must be aware of the wide range of repercussions this petty grudge contains,” he began. “You are not only forgoing appropriate sleep and meal times, you also are ignoring your many tasks that you relished participating in a few weeks ago. Cooking, for example. I have no issues with cooking your food for you, but you must miss your daily routine.” Logan pauses, listening for anything indicating Thomas might have resonated with his words, or even heard him at all. There was nothing except the quiet buzz of the generator. “I understand you do not agree with what I said, but please do not allow it to affect your physical health.”

One day later, Thomas began eating nothing but snack food. He did not cook anything but he also refused to accept any food prepared by Logan. Logan’s meals went to waste four times before he stopped cooking and began to stock the fridge with healthy snacks instead.

Then, Logan attempted to persuade Thomas by pathos— guiding Thomas through his emotions. He often characterized Logan through human traits; it was not unbelievable to think Thomas may believe he was hurting Logan by not taking care of himself and change his ways out of pity. It would be a weak debate for Logan had little experience appealing to people with empathy, but it was worth a try.

Thomas was in his room at the time. He was not sleeping (he rarely was these days) but he was taking a break from working on Patton which was good. Logan walked to the room and stood stiffly inside the doorway, waiting to be acknowledged. After a time, Logan had no choice but to continue without recognition.

“While you continue to hurt yourself in preventable and petty ways, I continue to fail at my job, Thomas,” Logan said. A weak start, he will admit, but he had very limited knowledge relating to emotions. If Patton was functional, Logan wondered vaguely, would he be better at dealing with these situations?

“I know you do not want to hurt me,” Logan continued. “While I fail to perform my Primary Function, I do not only hurt myself, but I hurt you as well. I do not wish to hurt you just as you do not wish to hurt me. You performing basic human necessities such as sleeping well and eating properly will not only help yourself, but it will help me to feel better.”

A bold faced lie— saying he felt anything at all— was not what Logan was planning on saying when he began, but it was too late now.

“I never had any intention of worsening our standing with each other. I am sorry that I was not able to communicate my point in a softer manor. I am not sorry I said it, but am sorry for how I said it.”

At that, Thomas smirked. It reminded Logan of a time when Thomas would laugh at loud at the most mundane things, the joke lost on Logan. Was it really five days ago that they were on speaking terms? Yes, it was.

“Could you please tell me what you find humorous? Once again, the humor is lost on me.”

Thomas sighed as if he was a teenager asked to do the dishes. Drama queen. 

Still, Thomas spoke. “You just said something funny.”

“I gathered as much.” 

“Feelings, Logan!” He sounded annoyed, as if asking for his clarification was a great inconvenience to him. Apparently, Logan’s attempt at pathos was not as persuasive as he wished. “You were talking about feelings. You hate feelings! You don’t understand them and you don’t want to talk about them and you could care less what I feel! You just want me to be healthy!” He scoffed ‘healthy’ like a curse word and continued with malice. “Maybe I should change your program. Give you a few more feelings and a little less ‘logic’.”

“You,” Logan said slowly. “You don’t mean that. You are emotionally compromised and are acting out because of it.” It was unfortunate that Logan’s off handed comment lead to this.

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I? I can make you do whatever I want by changing the code! I don’t need you anymore. You were wrong when you said I couldn’t build a friend. Patton is going to be the best friend I’ve ever had and that’s all I need.” He stared at the floor for a second like it was the carpet’s fault for Logan’s words. Then he began his rant once more. “I’ve ignored you for, what, four or five days? And I’m fine! I don’t need to be told when to go to bed or what to do with myself or where to be. I don’t need you. I need Patton.”

The pain— that pang in his chest that never quite went away from last time— was back with full force. It was so distracting that Logan put his hand over his chest for a second before remembering he had an audience.

Not that it mattered. Thomas wasn’t even looking at him.

“I am sorry you feel that way, Thomas. I live to serve you but if you feel I am inadequate I hope you terminate me as quickly as possible. I did not wish to work against you any longer.”

At the mention of termination, Thomas’ anger-contorted face morphed to one of confusion, then horror— all in the span of three seconds.

It seemed Logan had brought about some sort of change of heart, for Thomas said, “No! No, no, no. That’s not what I meant! Oh god. Forget everything I said. You were right. I was angry. It had nothing to do with you. You’re perfect.”

Logan was glad to have snapped Thomas out of his anger, but his words still remained in Logan’s mind. “I am not perfect, Thomas. I am obviously severely lacking if you need another assistant in your life. I do not want to stop you from getting what you believe you need. My program only tells me what you thought you needed a very long time ago. As time goes on, interests change and so do people. If you believe Patton is who you need instead of me, I am as disposable as a tin can. My usefulness only be measured in what you need. If you do not need me, do not keep me around for sentimentality.”

“Logan, no.I admit you’re not perfect, but I still need you. I wouldn’t get rid of you for anything. I was just angry that you didn’t think Patton could be all I want from him because you are never wrong. You were never the problem, Logan. I was afraid of being alone so I refused to believe that Patton couldn’t fix that. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. If you truly believe I still have the capability to be useful, I have no issues.”

Thomas gaped at Logan. “You have no issues?! You literally just said I could terminate you! That is not grounds for having no issues.”

“Well,” Logan said with a twitch of his fingers. “I suppose I wish you would continue to respond to me from now on. It is much harder to fulfill my duty when you ignore me.” It really was much easier to talk to Thomas than to try to get him taken care of himself subtly. Logan made a stern mental note not to upset Thomas again, regardless of whims or intuition. The past proves the truth is mostly better left unsaid.

“Yes, yes. I’m sorry again about that. Anything else?” 

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You do know that you are the human in this scenario, do you not? I should be asking you that.”

“I just want to make up for being so crappy to you.”

“No need. I am, and forever will be, impartial to how you act, to me or others, past what I see important due to my Primary Function. According to my coding, it is all I am to be concerned with.”

“What about past that?” Thomas looked up at Logan from his spot on the bed and peered at Logan curiously. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, past what your coding tells you. Surely you are concerned with more than what your programming entails.”

Logan, despite knowing Thomas was on to something, laughed in a borderline cruel manner. It put him on edge to think that he may be more that Thomas intended. Being more that one’s primary focus made a robot unpredictable and imperfect. “I do not do or say or think anything that is not purely part of my code. My Primary Function is the one and only decision maker. Besides that, I am no more than metal and wires.” Logan knew he sounded rude and vain, his words coming out in a harsh bite, but he was finding it difficult to hold his tongue. If only he and Thomas were not at odds. He would have consulted him days ago about this increasingly problematic issue. “I am not sentient in the way you wish me to be, nor will I ever be. I wish you would stop acting as if I was.”

Logan was positive his words were hurtful but Thomas was reacting as if Logan had told him that he found a cozy, people-inhabited town just a mile away. Instead of a downcast eye and a closed off expression, Thomas was staring at Logan in awe and joyful wonder.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Logan asked, “What?” 

“Nothing! Well…” Thomas opened his mouth, then closed it again. Why he felt it important to withhold information about his pleasure with Logan’s words would forever be lost on him. “Never mind. It’s nothing.”

At the pause in the conversation stretched on, Logan still standing in Thomas’ doorway, Logan debated the possibility of bringing up the group of problems plaguing him. The ache in his chest, the words he never really meant to say. It all sounded feelings oriented and disgustingly human. Thomas could for sure help him. 

But as Thomas continued to stare deeply into Logan’s cold eyes with fascination that lacked a proper explanation, Logan decided he could not tell Thomas. For whatever reason, he knew this information was not something to be shared with his complicated, multifaceted creator. He could handle this on his own for as long as he had to. Which could very well be forever, if this new robot comes around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See y’all in the next chapter :)))

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I have so far! I’ll post the next part as fast as I can. ;)


End file.
